Monday, June 29, 2009

Last Sunday, i went down to Pulau Ubin. It was a great experience. The mountain was tough and challenging. I love the thrill that i get from going to such places. At the end of the day, i saw Yikang and Yishan going there.

I will let the pictures do the talking for here. It was hell of a experience.. I want to go there again. For those who are thinking of going, i think going slow is the best. There were some places where if you go down too fast, you will fall off the cliff. It was that scary. Edmund and me were hikers for awhile.. HAHA.. We carried our bikes and go down the dangerous slopes.

**This is irritating, i cant seem to upload any pictures onto the blog.

Here are all the pictures..

http://s221.photobucket.com/albums/dd311/hindarto/Ubin%20Trip%2028%20June/

Posted by dear benji at 8:37 PM

Monday, June 22, 2009

I hate it when i see my T60's blue screen of death. It keep restarting and it pisses me off. Infact, i was so pissed that i slamed the computer so hard that the keys flew out... Darn, i want a new computer badly. So damn pissed about it not working.. At least screen spoil still not as bad,i can output it onto an external monitor. I budget my new computer to cost around 1000 dollars.

My wrist still hurts whenever i try to get the archer's position , looks like i wont be able to shoot before i enter army. I bought a Phiten wrist guard, i hope it will help with my wrist. Also i went to Polyclinic to get a referal for my wrist to a specialist. The appointment is on 1st July, i hope i can make it in time for my wrist to heal . I want to choing forest in army.. Sounds like fun.

I just noticed, my Garmin watch acutally charges pretty fast. it was 34% 48 mins ago, and now it is already 97%. The bad thing is i cant charge this watch up in the army, that leaves me no choice but to either sell this away or leave it at home to collect dust.

Grace took my bike and ride around the reservoir yesterday.. I hope she will continue to do that for a long time, hope she can lose weight this way.

Posted by dear benji at 8:39 AM

Sunday, June 14, 2009

I feel so tired sometimes.. I dont know how can i do to tell you that i am sorry for the things i've done.

I pray that you will not become a Kang Zhu . I am feeling really insecure. 2 of my best friends have now told me that i deserve much better then this. They ask if it is worth it , and for this time around, i am finding it hard to justify my actions.

I have know Lailing since K2. We were play mates.. Many years passed after k2 and i only met her again during primary 5. My mum was sick at that time. Lailing came to my house and asked me to go attend her bday party. I was really shocked that she still remember where i stay all this while . I thought she shifted house already.

I later then realised that it was all a lie that my mum told , for me to stay away from Lailing when i was young because i was kinda hyper. There was a story why my mum told me the lie but i will keep it for another time.

After the party, we didnt keep in contact until i was sec 2. It was a friday and i was allowed to go home from boys town. Lailing happen to be on the same bus as i was, she saw me but couldnt confirmed it was me. I saw her and i didnt think it was her. I left it alone and sat behind.

Then only when i was sec 5; working at WMF selling pots and pans. She was shopping with her sister and her sis came up to me asking if i am benjamin. And voila, from there on we met regularly and renewed our friendship. It was after a month when i asked her out for movies.. I will always remember this day. I asked her out for a movie, and i requested for a very boyish show. She was ok with it, but i felt that i should have chosen a more neutral movie that day. Anyway, she came putting make up for the first time.. SO cute. Like china dolls. I think she put too much blusher... I told her about her make up when we got home. She got so shy and took it off.

Year one in poly and i was attached to her. She treated me really well. But as time passes. I think i took her for granted. I left things as it is and concentrated on my studies and archery. She persuded me look forward into the relationship. I always do empty promises never keeping them. She still waited. I felt so bad at one point in time that i wanted to break up with her so that she could look for nicer guys.
I think i hurt her feelings alot by doing that. I probably did that because i know that i will be doing archery alot . Told her face to face and she understood the importance of archery to me. She said she would still stand by and support me for archery but asked for some time for her. I was ok with that.

TIme passed and finally it is my 3rd year . I graduated and gotten my cert. The rubber band snapped. She could hold on much longer for me doing Archery and not spending time with her. It was just as i had more time , no more school, lesser archery. I told myself that i would spend more time with her.

Whcn the rubber band snapped , things were in a turmoil. We both were very hurted. Lots of sleepless nights and some fighting. We always manage to pull through it but this time round , it feels different. It doesnt feel as though i have control over it already. It feels like it has lost hope. I love her alot, and i just want to tell her that. I would like her to understand and let me take the lead once more. This relationship should be life giving , and not energy draining. I really hope we can make things work.

Posted by dear benji at 7:34 PM

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

It always get me jealous whenever i hear Grace going out with Nic. I get the feeling that he is trying to woo her, but whenever i talk to Grace about this, she passes it off as they are good friends..
How i came to this conclusion was:

He was one of the 3 that told Grace to break up with me.
Grace did "nobody" dance for his bday.(why dont other girls dance for him?)
He jioed Grace Lan Gaming today.

It hurts me alot to see her treating me badly. I get the feeling that she wants me to suffer the same as she was doing the past years. I only have 34 days left before army. I really do not want to go into the army heartbroken. I hope this can be a relationship that gives me strength.

I am trying very hard to tell her how sorry i was . I really miss the old times we had together. She is only nice to me in the night, just before she is going to sleep or really early in the morning just when we wake up. Love shouldnt be like this. My heart yearns for the old times.

I have been trying to get her to know more of my friends, i hope this can help bring us closer together. I think it is time that i settle with Kang Zhu and Nic.

I didnt tell grace this before, but suejen was the one that broke up with me. it hurted me alot so much that i didnt dare to go into the next relationship, that was when Grace came along and help smoothen things out. She was always there for me.

God, please help me to pull through this. Grace is someone i really love.

Posted by dear benji at 8:19 PM

Monday, June 08, 2009

We had quite a lot of fun these few days.

She told me that we had to be friends . I was really sadden by the decision she made but i respect her. I had to admit that i haven't been treating her well for the past few years but now that i am going into the army, my perspective changed. All of the sudden, Archery and Cycling and other passion are less important.

I dont know how long it will take to warm her up to me again but it certainly is worth the squeeze. My mind is really messy and i suddenly have the disability to coordinate and plan my time well. Everything revolves around her. I had to give up some meetings and rides for her. These are worth it.

Since i am going into the army soon, i planned a few programmes for us, hopefully she will get touched.

Sentosa Beach : sun tanning
Buffet : Sushi with Audrey's bday
K box: Singing and understanding what is it like to be a "singer"
Lan Gaming : Play Left 4 Dead with her. She likes it, but i dun like the blood that splats out.
Shopping: Need to get her some nice clothing for her school reopening. She always saves on this part.
Farewell Party: Get all her close friends and my close friends to come together and have some games and also to commemorate me going into the army. Wanted to bring forward my bday celerbration like Nic but later felt it will not hold any meaning having a bday celebrated so far in advance.
Go malaysia : hunt for nice food. (maybe only)
Swimming together..

I went to sun tanning with her today, and i never knew that she was such a good swimmer. She was able to glide thru the water fast and also she dared to venture into the deeper waters. I was scared and always was at the place where my foot could feel the ground. Shame on me, i remembered her telling that she loved swimming and was swimming everyday for a few months before.

Some pics of us together :

i am still trying very hard here . I hope things will change for us.

Posted by dear benji at 12:32 AM

Saturday, June 06, 2009

I had a great time today, i hope you also enjoyed yourself. This is the first time that we did so much together. It was really fun and i hope we can do it again .

I hope you have great fun tml at the bday bash ^^
Yawn.. tired luh =) But enjoyable.

Posted by dear benji at 3:48 AM

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Garmin !!! My new toy

I played with my Garmin GPS watch today. It was hell lot of fun. I was chasing Grace since she was taking a bus to meet that Fat Pig. Bus takes a long time. ^^

From the map you could see there was a detour to the right, that is where Fat Pig is staying. Also where Pei Yi is staying.. It was really fun and i enjoyed myself, Grace was pretty shocked that the bicycle could be faster then the bus.. I am trying to poison her to ride with me. This means i need to get a bike for her ($.$)

While riding halfway, i had a small accident, i am glad nothing bad really happen to my bike or me. Just shock, some fat guy gave way for me to pass, so when i accelerate to pass he suddenly took up the space which he opened up, i braked hard and flew a distance. DAMN..

I was so bored and ended up riding to Ryan's place after that, my agenda was to go to West Mall and get Grace's new watch, decided that since i was around that area, it was only nice that i dropped by. Ryan gave me an Singapore Poly IVP Jacket =) I am so glad , he managed to get it from school. I wont post the details up on how he got it XD . Oh well, i like guys like him.. Nice chap.

I switched off the GPS soon after i reach Ryan's house,reason being: it drains battery. Which explains why it only ends there.

This is the watch that she ordered from Swatch.. Looks pretty normal. Not worth it =( No cool functions and such... Girls.. Haiz.

Tah da.... My new toy.. Garmin Forerunner 405. It has GPS, Heart rate functions, and bike sensor and many many stuff that i myself don't know how to use even with the guide book. Only thing is that i need to buy the bike sensor =( And that cost another 100 plus dollars ? Freaking expensive.. For the technology , its worth it ^^

This is it in its charging mode. When i on the GPS, it can last 8 hours non- stop. But if i just use it as a normal watch , it can last 2 weeks without charging. I don't see how i can last with this watch 2 weeks in the army =( I might sell this watch away when i am entering the army. This watch is too good for my usage. haiz... As much as i would like to keep it, i think a normal Casio watch will do the job.

(i haven't taken pics of the lap top yet, i will do it later when Grace comes back, must take in front of her =p)

Posted by dear benji at 11:09 PM

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

i swear i am gonna take a picture of what happened to my computer as soon as i get my camera back from Clifford. Grace, swept something off the bed without realising that my earphones were attached to my laptop. The whole laptop fell from the table to the ground - and voilia... My screen broke into half. I can only see half the screen diagonally. I was pissed of course, but after the rough patch we had, i didnt dare to get angry with her for too long. I fumed for 5mins and thereafter i had to stop before we have out super big fight.

Worst thing is she didnt apologise, instead she chided me for leaving earphones there . Sigh... I was damn pissed and sad - heartbroken also, because i know i spent more time on my darling laptop during poly days then on any other thing. It was like part of me. I knew where i hid/placed my stuff and documents.

I am considering getting a LCD screen this coming IT show instead of repairing the screen. So much for being a good bf.. I think ever since i got serious in the relationship, i somehow screw everything up. Nope, correction, i somehow am caught with serious "suayness" ....

Grace is now at band camp and will be back on Thursday. Friday she going to this Nic's house (argh) and practise some dance moves with them. And on Saturday , she going down to "Ton" at that Nic's house till Sunday. I dont like Nic and her best friends. They always tell her funny stuff. I hate the talks whenever she comes back from a trip with them. It sucks every ounce of living juice in me. I just dont like the 3 friends she has , nicknamed : Fat Pig (her name really goes by that in chinese), 'Model wannabe but end up having sex with photographer' girl & lastly 'break up with your bf, you deserve better" guy.